Friday, 23 September 2011

The What ifs!!

Its been another huge couple of weeks on the home front testing our little family unit to the limit.
Poor old Jaz has been pretty sick, double vision with lots of fatigue and headaches. After a stint in A&E. Oncology decided to bring forward her routine MRI Scan. A couple of days later we received a call from our Oncology Nurse. That's when the "what ifs" came to haunt us.

Isn't it funny how we torture ourselves with worst case scenarios? I'm not going to go into the details of Jasmines results but to be fair they sounded pretty awful. Our meeting with the specialist to discuss her MRI was another 10 days leaving us both together and as individuals to create some pretty scary what ifs!!

Where do we live? When will this thing beat her? How will we cope? Will I ever see my girls grow up? Should we move close to family in Christchurch? What will I do for a job? Christchurch doesn't seem to offer much should we just stay here??
Life seemed pretty grim based on one phone call and one persons opinion combined with our imagined worst case it was hard to imagine a life together going forward.
The appointment finally arrived on Wednesday 1.40pm. With the girls at school and daycare Jaz and I headed into the city early and enjoyed lunch, shopping and a brief visit to the Art centre. For 2 hours Jaz and I enjoyed being us, we shopped laughed and enjoyed the freedom that comes from not having kids. Normality until we entered the hospital grounds then the fear, what ifs and tears started again.

The appointment was delayed 30 minutes while they discussed her scan and then the moment came. How would they tell us? What if.......? The Specialist was the nicest guy, very calming one of those Doctors that respects and understands his patients. But the words that came out of his mouth didn't make sense? Jaz was crying and then asked "did you say the tumour is dying"? "yes, but things can change and we need to continue treatment with regular MRIs until we are sure you are safe" "its early days and there is still a blood supply, the battle isn't over but we are heading in the right direction!"
All of a sudden the what ifs had changed from negatives to positives. We might have a future and Jaz has a great chance of getting better.

We have tortured ourselves for weeks and now after one meeting we feel like all of that hard work is starting to pay off.
One thing I have learnt from this experience is the importance of having positive people around you and the person suffering their battle. Dealing with death is tough and can be very lonely, watching the world go by. Instead of living it feels like you are just existing. Getting through the days until the next appointment or scan. So receiving an email or text makes a huge difference. They dont have to be in the same town or even country. Just knowing that there is someone else out there batting for your team makes it all a little easier.

Have a great weekend go the All Blacks and the Mighty Vodafone Warriors!!!


Saturday, 10 September 2011


Well the Rugby World cup has started with a hiss and a roar. The ABs blundered passed a passionate Tonga and Scotland were pushed hard by Romania. Already it seems that this competition will be close and I cant wait to wear a patch in our couch over the next 7 weeks!

Spring has arrived in Auckland, the temperatures seem so much warmer and we have almost dusted our shorts off. I went for a run this morning and marvelled at the beauty we currently live in. Arkles Bay looked amazing, it was like a mirror and so peaceful. We are very lucky to live in such a place. If we do decide to relocate from here Im sure we will all be very sad.
The kids are great and growing fast, the girls seem to enjoy life up here in sunny Whangapararoa!!

Jaz continues to fight the fight. On Tuesday she had her first MRI since radiation therapy. To be honest the results werent as great as we expected with more details to follow when we attend a meeting with the Specialist in 10 or so days. So the mood is a little sad but as always we truck on. We have no real choice.
So thats really about it from me Fiji is about to take on Namibia so its time for me to wrap up another enrty.

Be safe


Thursday, 1 September 2011


Its been another busy week for us all so I really dont have the time and a lot of motivation to write alot in this blog.

I had to take Jaz to the Dr again, bloody virus has knocked her for 6 she just doesnt seem to have alot of energy right now. But the tablets she is on now seem to have made some difference. I do miss friends and family back in Canterbury now more than ever. its been a challenging year. But it could have been a lot worst!!!! My Mum and Dad keep in regular contact and Jaz recieves pleanty of texts from her family in Rangiora which has been more than a blessing.

Well thats about it for me. To finish here is the link to Jasmines blog. She finally felt well enough to post another update.

Good on you babe xx